Fact Vs Faith

I would be the first to say that religion is just a big bunch of nothing. Ever since my grandmother died when I was in my early 20's. She taught me one thing, that you can't judge people, which I don't. but I needed to know some facts to actually believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost thingy. She would always throw the bible at me as it was fact and knowledge. I would let her ramble on about religion and how greatful she was to have it in her life.

I was never much into reading books or anything growing up. This was due to my education. I never learned how to read well, but I knew enough to get by. Now I live in America and not in my home country. I do miss home, and miss being able to visit my grandmother's grave to put flowers on it and to talk with her. Living in America is hard at to not be able to contact with family. I actually miss the food from home, than the family and friends.

My life partner is a cradle catholic, and I hated that religion from the get go. Yes my family were Catholics and they abused me from such a young age. Anyhow, I found myself trying to trust this family who was accepting me into their fold. I know, believing in God or other people who were Christians were my enemies.  I have to think if this God does exist, why hadn't helped me at any time during my life, my destroyed life. Yes my youth was dostroyed by my family the abusive people who destroyed my childhood and life.

Now I know one thing, Maybe this God is out there and if he is, maybe he can help me heal from the many years of abuse from family and friends from England. The only thing that worries me, is if I believe or trust the people around me right now. I feel that I'm not all woman, I know my body is female, but my mind isn't female.

I have researched about what Catholics believe on the net all day today. I have realized one thing, that if the person I love, is a christian and catholic, maybe I want to get to know what my partner believes in and maybe the others that occupy this body, this mind that maybe in time I can actually believe in this God in time. I know the others in this body believe in God and have immense faith and trust. But me, I am very doubtful about believing in God or anything I can't see or touch.