It's been a while since writing on this blog. I know that God wants me to write more on here. I've felt I was losing my faith in God and Christ since my mother-in-Law Barbara died. She died in October 2011. I found it hard blogging or even reading my Bible since then. This year I lost my best friend Mary-Lynn. She was so good to me. She was my sponsor to becoming an American. Plus, she got me through R.C.I.A. in 2006 -2007. I still have the [pictures of my confirmation to become a Catholic. Now she is gone. I know she isn't in pain no more, but I miss her terribly.
Barbara and Mary-Lynn both died from different forms of cancer. I was a survivor or it. I still ask myself why I survived and they died. Still this made me reconsider that maybe God isn't real. Maybe he doesn't exist. I doubted my faith since the death of Mary-Lynn. I thought why would a loving God take someone who helped so many people and touch so many hearts. She is an inspiration to those she touched. I still remember when Deacon Kerry said about her happy dance.
Mary-Lynn did a happy dance when I was confirmed Easter 2007. I remember turning around after my first taste of the Eucharist and how my body felt when I had it in my mouth and swallowed it and then the wine (Jesus Christ's blood). I felt I was touch by an angel and God was inside me. I lost that last week. I hadn't even read or studied my Bible since Barbara died. I didn't think he was there for us, well me in particularly. He wasn't there for me at all. He wasn't there for Barbara or her family, my family.
Last night I watched What If? A movie with Kevin Sorbo in. He was given a second chance at a life he could have had if he didn't have his riches and such. The way he felt and the way he acted in the movie made me reconsider my life and ask myself What If? I picked up my Bible and opened it up and read some scripture. I also prayed a little in the silence of my heart. Asking God if he is truly there to touch my heart, to send the Holy Spirit into my body and show me the right path I should be going on.
This morning I did the exact same as last night. Picked up my Bible and read it, prayed about what I read. I felt a sudden surge of calm come over me. I knew then and there he is there for me. I had just stop talking to him. Now he is in my heart and I believe Mary-Lynn got him to guide me to reading my Bible again. I will study and read it daily till I can be with my lost loved ones.
If you even wonder like I did if he truly is there for us. The answer is yes. He is there. We have to keep on talking to him. Keep on learning about his plan in our lives.
Showing posts with label Disciple. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Disciple. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Jesus Journey in Life - Our Journey
Today I have been watching three films on youtube; called Christ's Life. While watching these videos, I have to to a deeper understanding of God and what my purpose is in this life. I believe he will heal me of my afflictions. I suffer from a few different mental health issues, plus asthma, eplilepsy, and chronic pain in back and legs. The pain gets very intense and I have found light in my pain. The light is God given me these illnesses to make me a stronger person and to be his disciple. Being a disciple is hard work. You need to pray daily, read and study scripture daily and believe in Jesus and his journey for us.
Before I found my place in this world, I was lost and empty all the time. Now I believe in God, Christ and the Holy Ghost. I pray every morning and every night. Prayer has been my saving grace. Knowing that whatever I suffer, in the Lord's name I will be given many blessing from God. For God created the world, the universe and every living thing that lives on the earth, in the oceans and in the skies. He created us, in his own image. This means that evolution is a myth and not proven. Creation is the right path.
Right now it's 18:48 and I'm waiting o dinner being cooked so I can nourish my body with food. But remember we must not live on bread alone, but use God's word to nourish our minds and soul. If you are a christian, then follow God's and Christ's journey and put it in effect. This means, read scripture, pray for guidance, strength and nourishment from God to show you the way, the right direction back to him.
Before I found my place in this world, I was lost and empty all the time. Now I believe in God, Christ and the Holy Ghost. I pray every morning and every night. Prayer has been my saving grace. Knowing that whatever I suffer, in the Lord's name I will be given many blessing from God. For God created the world, the universe and every living thing that lives on the earth, in the oceans and in the skies. He created us, in his own image. This means that evolution is a myth and not proven. Creation is the right path.
Right now it's 18:48 and I'm waiting o dinner being cooked so I can nourish my body with food. But remember we must not live on bread alone, but use God's word to nourish our minds and soul. If you are a christian, then follow God's and Christ's journey and put it in effect. This means, read scripture, pray for guidance, strength and nourishment from God to show you the way, the right direction back to him.
Sunday, March 07, 2010
Sunday Mass - Repentance
I woke up this morning n very intense pain, from my neck down to my ankles. My ankles and knee joints were very swollen, plus I was having pain spikes through the night, through most of the mass. Once Eucharist was done with,the pain spikes were gone, and the pain just the intense pain. I don't know what happened, but when I'm in such intense pain and getting massive pain spikes on a Sunday, once Eucharist is over with, the pain spikes are gone.
What Happened in Church
Once mass started and I was sitting right up front, more than usual. Anyway, once Father George started mass off, I felt warm, glowing around me. Everyone just faded into the white cloud and disappeared. Even Troy faded away from my sight. Just out of nowhere I saw a white glowing figure coming towards me. Yes I usually see flashbacks, but this was not one of them. It was way different and I wasn't sure I wanted this person near me. I tried to get up and move, but my body was glued to the chair. I just couldn't move. Then this figure, ghost; put right hand on my head and took a hold of my left hand and smiled right at me.
I was no longer afraid. This being made me feel calm, loved and I felt love like I've never felt before in my life. I can't quite explain it, but I knew it was something strange. I even thought it was Satan or one of his followers, fallen angels. I started to remember what my stepfather would say to me. {One day you will be taken down to were you belong. To the depths of hell to rot and be in eternity damnation}. This was going through my head, I was afraid of being taken down to hell at this point. No voice or anything, came from this being.
"Listen to my child, you are my disciple, I will show you my world if you only listen to me". I thought I was going crazy and back to hearing voices in my head again that were meant to be there. "Listen to me, you are in my house. Accept me as your Savior, your Redeemer. Search your soul, your heart, your mind and listen with your whole being to my words." I looked to see if anyone else could see this being, hear this voice coming from the being. I was lost, I wanted out and to be able to run for my life, but I was glued to the spot.
Suddenly all my pain disappeared, I was shocked. This had never happened to me before EVER. I reached my right hand up to touch this being who hand their hand on my head. I reached, but all I could feel was warmth going in through my head and easing my pain slowly and I just heard the voice again. I thought was going crazy. "Listen my child, you are mine. I knew you from the day you and Eion were conceived that you'd be my disciple. I knew that Thursday morning at 6:05am in Millstreet, County Cork, Ireland that you'd come to me and prepare a way for all to follow and be my disciples."
I thought I was going totally cuckoo and off my rocker at this point. Trying to fathom what was happening to me. I was wanted to scream out, for someone to get this being away from me. But each time I tried to scream, I couldn't talk. It was like my tongue was glued to the root of my mouth and I couldn't even open my lips to talk.It was as if they were glued together. My mouth was going dried than ever. I wanted water, to quench my thirst and get the dryness to be gone. But I just couldn't move and I couldn't talk so couldn't ask Troy to help me.
Trying to look around to signal someone to help me, but it looked like we were on a cloud and not in the church no more. This was way out of control and I wanted to get off this cloud and away from this being. I knew that it was something other than normal. Somehow I was feeling calm again.Was this person going to let me go I thought to myself.
Just then, I heard the voice again. "You are my disciple. You are my vessel. You are my Messenger to the people in Indiana, then in the world. You just have to let your mind, soul and heart listen to my words. You are my child from the day you were conceived and for all eternity." Now I felt like I was hearing this voice for a reason. I was no longer afraid. I was filled with love and happiness. Not sure how to explain this, but I felt whole, complete for the first time in my life.
"Listen child! I am your Savior, you God. Hear my words my child." I tried to look up at the face of this being, but his hand held my head firm and looking at the floor. Suddenly my mouth was no longer dry. It was moist and my tongue was able to move and so was my lips. Something was strange. I asked the being to tell me who he was. "I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Joseph, The God of David. This line from Adam to Me . I am God the Father, God the Son , God the Holy Spirit." Now these words echoed throughout my body. then realised for the first time, I was being spoke to by God. I felt Honored, Glorified with his love. I was no longer afraid, I was happy, jolly and proud God had chosen me.
Just as he took his hand off my head, I felt all the intense pain rush back into my body. I was scared, felt alone and tried to reach out to Troy, but I noticed I was still on this cloud. "Believe me my child. Listen to my words. You are my chosen one." I tried to stand, but I couldn't get up, my legs were turning to jelly. Slowly I could feel myself moving, I was moving on the cloud. The being, I now know to be God. Smiled and waved me goodbye till I was back in church, sitting right next to Troy.
Deacon Kerry was reading the scripture from Luke. While the reading was being said, I could no longer hear God's voice. I listened to the reading. After I started to listen to father George's homily. The voice came back. I thought it was through with me, boy was I wrong. "Child, you need to know some important facts about your life. One you are and have always been close to my heart. I have watched you suffer, feel alone, unwanted and hurting every minute of your whole like this far. You needed to suffer, be in pain for a long time. While you suffered it made your heart cold and hardened. I wanted to to come to Indiana, to St Mark Catholic Church. You are going to be made an example to my people at St Mark and to everyone you come in contact with."
The voice stopped, I looked around everything was normal. The homily was over with.I was annoyed. I loved to listen to the homilies as they were the best thing in church and mass. "Listen, you don't need to hear what Father George is talking about. You are mine, you have always been mine since you were conceived in your mother's womb. You have to forgive yourself for your part in the demise of Maurice Riley. Forgive him for all he did to you. It was to strengthening you to be able to show others they can overcome many pains and still be my disciples. Do you understand?" I didn't know what to do or say. The pain in my back, knees were getting very intense and I was now getting pain spikes. worse than any I have ever hand. I said quietly in my mind, take these pain spikes and I will be your servant.
"Ask of me and you will receive." Then without fail the pain spikes were gone. I wanted to shout at the top of my voice that I had God in my life."You are not to shout out about what happened today. You write every time I come to you in your blog. It will be my tool to show your friends and foes that you are mine forever, from now to eternity. Accept ME into your life and let the world know you have faith and your writing will come in time." I nodded and said quietly I accept God into my life. "You will be my tool, my disciple. I will you you as my messenger to show everyone you are now whole in my name. Anyone who tries to hurt you will be taken down. They will know you are mine. Your foes will not die, but they will be shown you are with God and Christ. The Holy Spirit now lives in you. Show others you believe and they will follow you in example. Be blessed my child. You and Troy will start nightly scripture study and will come closer to me and he will know you are mine. He will follow you till the ends of the earth and be right by your side."
Just as he had spoken it was time to go get doughnuts. Troy helped me up and I walked into the shaffeur hall and sat down, while troy got me juice and doughnuts along with a piece of cake. I got Rebecca's email and I intend to let the girls know to read my blog and in hopes of them knowing I am now God's disciple and he is using me as his messenger in Indiana.
NOTE: Before 9:30am and before mass even started I was in intense pain and I thought that being at church would set off my usual flashbacks. Check sidebar for flashbacks in church.
What Happened in Church
Once mass started and I was sitting right up front, more than usual. Anyway, once Father George started mass off, I felt warm, glowing around me. Everyone just faded into the white cloud and disappeared. Even Troy faded away from my sight. Just out of nowhere I saw a white glowing figure coming towards me. Yes I usually see flashbacks, but this was not one of them. It was way different and I wasn't sure I wanted this person near me. I tried to get up and move, but my body was glued to the chair. I just couldn't move. Then this figure, ghost; put right hand on my head and took a hold of my left hand and smiled right at me.
I was no longer afraid. This being made me feel calm, loved and I felt love like I've never felt before in my life. I can't quite explain it, but I knew it was something strange. I even thought it was Satan or one of his followers, fallen angels. I started to remember what my stepfather would say to me. {One day you will be taken down to were you belong. To the depths of hell to rot and be in eternity damnation}. This was going through my head, I was afraid of being taken down to hell at this point. No voice or anything, came from this being.
"Listen to my child, you are my disciple, I will show you my world if you only listen to me". I thought I was going crazy and back to hearing voices in my head again that were meant to be there. "Listen to me, you are in my house. Accept me as your Savior, your Redeemer. Search your soul, your heart, your mind and listen with your whole being to my words." I looked to see if anyone else could see this being, hear this voice coming from the being. I was lost, I wanted out and to be able to run for my life, but I was glued to the spot.
Suddenly all my pain disappeared, I was shocked. This had never happened to me before EVER. I reached my right hand up to touch this being who hand their hand on my head. I reached, but all I could feel was warmth going in through my head and easing my pain slowly and I just heard the voice again. I thought was going crazy. "Listen my child, you are mine. I knew you from the day you and Eion were conceived that you'd be my disciple. I knew that Thursday morning at 6:05am in Millstreet, County Cork, Ireland that you'd come to me and prepare a way for all to follow and be my disciples."
I thought I was going totally cuckoo and off my rocker at this point. Trying to fathom what was happening to me. I was wanted to scream out, for someone to get this being away from me. But each time I tried to scream, I couldn't talk. It was like my tongue was glued to the root of my mouth and I couldn't even open my lips to talk.It was as if they were glued together. My mouth was going dried than ever. I wanted water, to quench my thirst and get the dryness to be gone. But I just couldn't move and I couldn't talk so couldn't ask Troy to help me.
Trying to look around to signal someone to help me, but it looked like we were on a cloud and not in the church no more. This was way out of control and I wanted to get off this cloud and away from this being. I knew that it was something other than normal. Somehow I was feeling calm again.Was this person going to let me go I thought to myself.
Just then, I heard the voice again. "You are my disciple. You are my vessel. You are my Messenger to the people in Indiana, then in the world. You just have to let your mind, soul and heart listen to my words. You are my child from the day you were conceived and for all eternity." Now I felt like I was hearing this voice for a reason. I was no longer afraid. I was filled with love and happiness. Not sure how to explain this, but I felt whole, complete for the first time in my life.
"Listen child! I am your Savior, you God. Hear my words my child." I tried to look up at the face of this being, but his hand held my head firm and looking at the floor. Suddenly my mouth was no longer dry. It was moist and my tongue was able to move and so was my lips. Something was strange. I asked the being to tell me who he was. "I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Joseph, The God of David. This line from Adam to Me . I am God the Father, God the Son , God the Holy Spirit." Now these words echoed throughout my body. then realised for the first time, I was being spoke to by God. I felt Honored, Glorified with his love. I was no longer afraid, I was happy, jolly and proud God had chosen me.
Just as he took his hand off my head, I felt all the intense pain rush back into my body. I was scared, felt alone and tried to reach out to Troy, but I noticed I was still on this cloud. "Believe me my child. Listen to my words. You are my chosen one." I tried to stand, but I couldn't get up, my legs were turning to jelly. Slowly I could feel myself moving, I was moving on the cloud. The being, I now know to be God. Smiled and waved me goodbye till I was back in church, sitting right next to Troy.
Deacon Kerry was reading the scripture from Luke. While the reading was being said, I could no longer hear God's voice. I listened to the reading. After I started to listen to father George's homily. The voice came back. I thought it was through with me, boy was I wrong. "Child, you need to know some important facts about your life. One you are and have always been close to my heart. I have watched you suffer, feel alone, unwanted and hurting every minute of your whole like this far. You needed to suffer, be in pain for a long time. While you suffered it made your heart cold and hardened. I wanted to to come to Indiana, to St Mark Catholic Church. You are going to be made an example to my people at St Mark and to everyone you come in contact with."
The voice stopped, I looked around everything was normal. The homily was over with.I was annoyed. I loved to listen to the homilies as they were the best thing in church and mass. "Listen, you don't need to hear what Father George is talking about. You are mine, you have always been mine since you were conceived in your mother's womb. You have to forgive yourself for your part in the demise of Maurice Riley. Forgive him for all he did to you. It was to strengthening you to be able to show others they can overcome many pains and still be my disciples. Do you understand?" I didn't know what to do or say. The pain in my back, knees were getting very intense and I was now getting pain spikes. worse than any I have ever hand. I said quietly in my mind, take these pain spikes and I will be your servant.
"Ask of me and you will receive." Then without fail the pain spikes were gone. I wanted to shout at the top of my voice that I had God in my life."You are not to shout out about what happened today. You write every time I come to you in your blog. It will be my tool to show your friends and foes that you are mine forever, from now to eternity. Accept ME into your life and let the world know you have faith and your writing will come in time." I nodded and said quietly I accept God into my life. "You will be my tool, my disciple. I will you you as my messenger to show everyone you are now whole in my name. Anyone who tries to hurt you will be taken down. They will know you are mine. Your foes will not die, but they will be shown you are with God and Christ. The Holy Spirit now lives in you. Show others you believe and they will follow you in example. Be blessed my child. You and Troy will start nightly scripture study and will come closer to me and he will know you are mine. He will follow you till the ends of the earth and be right by your side."
Just as he had spoken it was time to go get doughnuts. Troy helped me up and I walked into the shaffeur hall and sat down, while troy got me juice and doughnuts along with a piece of cake. I got Rebecca's email and I intend to let the girls know to read my blog and in hopes of them knowing I am now God's disciple and he is using me as his messenger in Indiana.
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