Rememering Old Friends

Right now I'm listening to music on youtube. The song in previous post, is one my favorite songs. It makes me think of my friends Taryn and Gavin. Plus right now I remembering them and my children. This is making me cry and sad. I just have to remember they are in heaven with God and no longer in pain. This sometimes makes me feel a little better. I've never told anyone, but I cry everynight, because everyone at church, have their children. Were as myself, I have no kids left.

Having children is a blessing, God's blessing. But why was I treated so badly. I have had eleven children, only two living past the age of 5yrs. Kieran died at age 18, Paul at age 26. Now this makes me angry and also sad. I could tell you all about each of my children and know they are in heaven. One day I know I could join them. But when you've had a terrible past like myself. Maybe going to heaven isn't on the cards.

Two Little Boys - Rolf Harris

Two little boys had two little toys
Each had a wooden horse
Gaily they played each summer's day
Warriors both of course

One little chap then had a mishap
Broke off his horse's head
Wept for his toy then cried with joy
As his young playmate said

Did you think I would leave you crying
When there's room on my horse for two
Climb up here Jack and don't be crying
I can go just as fast with two

When we grow up we'll both be soldiers
And our horses will not be toys
And I wonder if we'll remember
When we were two little boys

Long years had passed, war came so fast
Bravely they marched away
Cannon roared loud, and in the mad crowd
Wounded and dying lay

Up goes a shout, a horse dashes out
Out from the ranks so blue
Gallops away to where Joe lay
Then came a voice he knew

Did you think I would leave you dying
When there's room on my horse for two
Climb up here Joe, we'll soon be flying
I can go just as fast with two

Did you say Joe I'm all a-tremble
Perhaps it's the battle's noise
But I think it's that I remember
When we were two little boys

Do you think I would leave you dying
There's room on my horse for two
Climb up here Joe, we'll soon by flying
Back to the ranks so blue

Can you feel Joe I'm all a tremble
Perhaps it's the battle's noise
But I think it's that I remember
When we were two little boys

The Healing Begins

For the most part of the day, it has been rather stressful and very sad and lonely. Being home alone, watching Criminal Minds on youtube. Realizing that While watching I was bored and surfing the web for junk mostly. I found this quote picture and had to post it here. 

When you've had your childhood stolen or taken without your wishes. You need to think, look and understand, throughout everything God has been there. You just need to call his name.  Some churches call God by his name. But all in all you just have to ask him to come into your heart and let the healing begin.

Today had been the start I think of the healing process for this body. Many don't understand, but when you're abused and neglected by the family who was meant to be looking out for you, to be there at all times, but never was. Ask God, to give you another family, one that will love you, care for you and be there whenever you need someone.

I've done nothing but cry all day. Plus being DID/MPD doesn't help matters either. People just don't listen, don't want to understand. TO this day I believe my only friends are my partner, our cats and that's about it.