Daily Scripture: - Jeremiah 17:7-8

Jeremiah 17: 7-8
Blessed is the person who trusts the Lord.The Lord will be his confidence. He will be like a tree that is planted by water. It will send its roots down to a stream. It will not be afraid in the heat of summer. Its leaves will turn green. It will not be anxious during droughts. It will not stop producing fruit. 

This Scripture tells me if we are weak, we must look at God for strength, guidance and help. Have faith and know God is there, by your side. You just have to ask for him. Close your eyes, open your heart and let God ad his Holy Spirit enter your body and lead you onto the right path. I know he is leading me and I am saved by his mercy and grace. I answer to nobody but God and his only son Christ. 

Visions and God's Plan

Today at church, well first I didn’t want to go. My back wand left knee was in excruciating agony. After a five minute prayer, I felt God’s presence within my body. I usually don’t pray to the Holy Ghost, but this morning I felt the urge. Once at church, the pain was getting heaps worse. I felt that I want going to kill myself if the pain didn’t get better. The pain issues I face are hard, but I know God is with me, but something that’s doesn’t help when the psychical pain is horendance. This was one morning I wished I had a magical cure for my pain issues that riddle my entire body.

Once in the chapel, I sat there in my chair, thinking about God and when I’d be free of pain. I remember at the beginning of Easter/Lent, I had my first vision. Which told me my pain was going to get worse before it got better. It’s now June, almost July. I wonder if he’s forgotten all about me. But I know he hasn’t forgotten me, he just wants me to be patient and listen to his word and advice he gives us in the Bible. Everyday I read my bible, but at time during the day, when I lack faith or hope, I turn to prayer and scripture.

This morning in church, I was given yet another vision. This was one of me being with my entire family. All my children and my grandparents up in heaven. I was sitting in the midst of them giggling and being ever so happy. Then I saw myself and my partner living in a three bedroom apartment, fostering children. Giving them someone who they can trust and know that they’re loved. Being in a vision my partner and I in a house riddled with children. This is my dream, I believe God is showing me what is to come. I just need to be patient and let things happen on God’s time, not mine…

Saturday Road Trip

I was woken up this morning by Pacer around 6:15am. I got up, feeling rather tired and I know the cats wanted feeding. I was getting so dizzy, I fell, hitting my head on the cupboard. Not being able to feed the cats, I sat on the couch and tried to stop myself from getting dizzy. The dizzy spells are now constant. I hate the feeling the dizzy spells do to me, I want to be healthy and happy.

It's now 6:55pm, I'm watching Bones on TV and finding it very relaxing to watch, even though the episode is a very old one. Anyhow, At the farm and walking around the place, I felt a connection with God and Christ. When the guy was touching my head, I felt a inner glow. It was like God was guiding to be there, to be able to talk with Lourdes near the end. While Suzie Q was getting the car, I had a good talk with Lourdes and I felt her anguish and her pain. I have placed her family on my heart. God knows our pain, our inner turmoil. He is there for us all. I believe I'm here in Indiana for a reason.

Praying for my partner's family and my sisters and their families, this is something that will never stop. I pray daily to God and the Holy Ghost for my sisters and helping me gain strength and guidance to help my sisters and friends at church.

The Healing Begins

For the most part of the day, it has been rather stressful and very sad and lonely. Being home alone, watching Criminal Minds on youtube. Realizing that While watching I was bored and surfing the web for junk mostly. I found this quote picture and had to post it here. 

When you've had your childhood stolen or taken without your wishes. You need to think, look and understand, throughout everything God has been there. You just need to call his name.  Some churches call God by his name. But all in all you just have to ask him to come into your heart and let the healing begin.

Today had been the start I think of the healing process for this body. Many don't understand, but when you're abused and neglected by the family who was meant to be looking out for you, to be there at all times, but never was. Ask God, to give you another family, one that will love you, care for you and be there whenever you need someone.

I've done nothing but cry all day. Plus being DID/MPD doesn't help matters either. People just don't listen, don't want to understand. TO this day I believe my only friends are my partner, our cats and that's about it.