Dealing with Grief

It's Thursday 22nd April 2010. Today has been a rather tough time for me. First it was Paul's birthday, my son. Also it made me think about the direction of my life. It has been about two weeks since Paul passed and now he is with God. I've lost all of the children I've brought into this world. Today Everything I did, reminding me of my precious children and short a time I got with most. I've lost everyone of my children. I've given birth to eight children and adopted one, making it nine children.

Now I have to remember what to do with what I know about God, Jesus and Holy Ghost working in my life. Today it made me realize that life is given to us all, we are to use that gift, from God to use it to show God how much we thank him for the gift of life. If you have not used your life to empower God, you must think and act now.

We have so much to thank God for, I thank him for the gracious life I brought into this world. I have given birth to eight children, I can remember each time I gave birth to each child. I couldn't be home today, this was I would usually see my family on web-cam via YIM (Yahoo Instant Messenger). I'm in America, my family in England and Europe.

Now I am understanding God's use of me as a vessel of his word. Believing in God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost you have to have faith on things you can't see or touch, but they exist. Today I have cried and thought about Paul and how he touched my life throughout his life, just like my other children. They all taught me something about my life and how blessed I was to have been able to spend time with them, and be able to be a mother to them, even if it was short. I have loved my children, never not stopping once.

I'm starting to realize that God gave me a gift, that is for writing and having a gift to show others how much someone who was never loved, to love unconditionally to anyone in my life. I have been doing a lot of prayer and time in deep thought. Realizing that God gives us all a gift, what is yours? Mind is to be a writer and show others whom have gone through a hell of a lot abuse and broken through and understood that God doesn't stop loving you, he just gives you what will make you stronger, he is carrying you when you're weak, and in low spirit. Believe, trust, prayer.. is the way back to him!