Lent: Repentance

Yes today was the repentance part of the Lenten season. I was not in a good mood this morning, but I knew once I got to church things would change. Yes, things did change. The ride to church with Lourdes and her daughter Robin were enjoyable. Lourdes always makes me smile and with her bubbly personality she brings God and his word into your hearts.

Today during mass, I felt sad and alone. I sat there thinking about many different things. First, Why is God talking to me? What did I do wrong? why can't he just get the heck out of my head? If these questions come to you, then you are lucky. Yes very lucky. At first I felt angry and annoyed that God had started to speak to me and tell me about things in my life that I had to endure. Why? I asked myself many times. Th answer is God has a plan for us all. He is going to carry you if you are weak and feeble. Yes we all have moment that make us weak and feeble.

First things first. Once I sat down in the chapel, I felt a presence enter me. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I know at the beginning of Lent I had a vision and got the message. But today was way above that. Trust me I know. Yes I got the feeling of something enter my body, it was something that made me feel good. I closed my eyes and let my body experience the feeling. I then heard the voice, which voice you might wonder. The voice of God, who else... duh?

This voice talked to me, through thought. Yeah, I know why am I telling you this; I'm telling you this so you can get Gd to enter your mind, body and soul and listen to his word and feel his presence. Right, back to the thing I'm talking about right now.

During church, God told me what his plan was for me. I tried hard to get his voice out of my mind, but with no luck at all. Yeah once God has entered your whole body, mind and soul; your stuck with him forever. I have tried to get rid of him, but he is always there whenever I don't want to listen to his voice, his wisdom and knowledge. Anyhow, his words were, "You are going to be my messenger, my disciple. You are going to show others that I, God are guiding you to follow my commandments and show the world that I am coming. Plus I love annoying you a little, just like you do with Suzanne!"

I then thought, yes I do love annoying Suzie and the girls from time to time. But how did he know about my little schemes and plots to get Jordan and Emma on my side. I guess I connect with the young ones more than I do with the adults in my life. I believe God wants me to become a citizen, to get writing for him  and spreading the word through my writing and show the young ones of today that they need to know him and know he is there for them at all times.

It took me nearly forty years to find God and actually accept him into my heart, soul and mind, I guess also my body. Yes that too. Anyhow, Repentance is the best thing in our lives. If you give all your worries, problems and stresses that help you sin and do things that God wouldn't want you to. Then I say repent and let God bless you like he has blessed me. I won't admit it to the girls or anyone in my life, but I fell calm, collective and happy. Yeah, me saying I'm happy is something I've ever done before. I confessed my sins to God and I felt like a big weight was lifted from my heart. I had never forgotten about my biological parents and family. They hurt me in so many ways, plus the years of abuse I suffered.

I have found peace, yes peace. I can now accept God is in me and I can listen to his guiding words, thoughts and what he wants from  me. I have never felt so rich in love for myself before. But I do now. Yes I hope all people who have suffered abuse by the hands of parents, family and even friends. If you let God into your heart, soul, mind and body he will heal you completely. I want for anyone who reads this, to know God is the only way to go. If you are lost, pray for help. If you feel alone and afraid, pray for guidance. If you feel there is no way out of the abuse, pray for help and strength to get out the relationship and seek help. God is just a phone call away. Yes I believe praying for God's help, is like phoning him to chat and help you get guidance, strength, hope and reassurance. Just Ask GOD!