This morning I woke up, in such great anguish and pain. I wanted to lay there and not move, as every movement I made sent great painful pain spikes throughout my whole body. I knew we had church, but I felt I wasn't going to go and stay home and rest. I've had three restless nights. I sleep, but have constant nightmares. I can't deal with such flashback and nightmares since starting therapy with Joyce. The therapy is going alright, it's helping me understand my past and the abuse I suffered at the hands of my family.
I got my partner and husband to get me up and help me dressed. thinking about church and if I truly wanted to go. just as I was thinking about calling Suzie to say I didn't want to go, she arrived and my husband helped me get out to the car. I climbed into the front seat and buckled up. My pain spikes were intense and along with the flashback I wanted to die. knowing that I couldn't die. My new family here in Indiana would miss me and I would leave a gaping big hole in their hearts.
All during church I persevered all through the service. Every moment I got pain spikes I closed my eyes and asked God to take my pain. By the end of mass, after I partook of the Eucharist, suddenly for five minutes I was without any pain. During the minutes of being without pain, I heard a loud voice. looking around and the church but I wasn't in church, I took a second look. I was somewhere completely pure white and in a midst of glowing white and in pure health. I stood and walked towards the light. the pure whiteness of the light. I reached my hands forward like the voice told me and I walked into the arms of an angel. the person had glowing white wings, a perfect smile and in a white robe. "You will come here one day. Just not right now. You are going to be healed. Give it time. You have far to go, remember to pray and keep Christ and God on the top of your to-do-list." After this I was back in my wheelchair and church was singing the last song of the service.
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