It's now 3:05pm and right now I've been thinking about what is going on inside my mind, body and heart. Being different from most of the people at my church is hard. I'm transgendered, but with no wish of changing my body. What is given to me, makes me stronger and wiser with God at my side. Also I've got pluckera of mental illnesses. I have DID/MPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Mood disorders, and anxiety.
Sometimes I find it hard to get through a day without hurting myself. Hurting myself does help to a certain degree, but not fully the way I'd like. Learning right now that doing this to take my thoughts off self-harm to do productive things instead. Right now I read my bible when I get the urge to hurt myself, either by cutting or burning. I know if I pray God will give me strength, but I'm not sure I want strength.
My best friend from Mass, he is what I call a cheer me up friend. If he's online I feel 100% better. Also I'm reading through my binder, my DBT Binder. This binder has a lot of skills that help me deal with certain emotions and feelings running through my head. My partner is my strongest person I can say I love, and they love me. Being at church, in a bookstore or just outside of the apartment I cheer up a little and know God is guiding my thougth outside. but inside I feel like the devil is trying to hurt me, with voices and images I see throughout the apartment.
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