Sunday, June 27, 2010

Visions and God's Plan

Today at church, well first I didn’t want to go. My back wand left knee was in excruciating agony. After a five minute prayer, I felt God’s presence within my body. I usually don’t pray to the Holy Ghost, but this morning I felt the urge. Once at church, the pain was getting heaps worse. I felt that I want going to kill myself if the pain didn’t get better. The pain issues I face are hard, but I know God is with me, but something that’s doesn’t help when the psychical pain is horendance. This was one morning I wished I had a magical cure for my pain issues that riddle my entire body.

Once in the chapel, I sat there in my chair, thinking about God and when I’d be free of pain. I remember at the beginning of Easter/Lent, I had my first vision. Which told me my pain was going to get worse before it got better. It’s now June, almost July. I wonder if he’s forgotten all about me. But I know he hasn’t forgotten me, he just wants me to be patient and listen to his word and advice he gives us in the Bible. Everyday I read my bible, but at time during the day, when I lack faith or hope, I turn to prayer and scripture.

This morning in church, I was given yet another vision. This was one of me being with my entire family. All my children and my grandparents up in heaven. I was sitting in the midst of them giggling and being ever so happy. Then I saw myself and my partner living in a three bedroom apartment, fostering children. Giving them someone who they can trust and know that they’re loved. Being in a vision my partner and I in a house riddled with children. This is my dream, I believe God is showing me what is to come. I just need to be patient and let things happen on God’s time, not mine…

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Sunday Morning Mass

This morning at church, I had to use my wheelchair, but I didn't mind so much. My partner was very careful not to bump or jolt my back or knees as he pushed me up the ramp into the church. St Mark Catholic Church is a friendly and evangelical church. I have many friends there, even though I might not know everyone by name, but they sure know me. I not sure if I'm the only Brit, at church or not, but I'm well known for many different things I think.  There is one thing I'm sure of, there are non-American citizens at church. My dear friend Chela wasn't an American citizen for a while. She became one about 18months to 3 years ago.

Anyhow, lets get back to the matter at hand, when happened to me during church, mass. Once in the chapel, I sat there hoping for the immense pain I was having in my knee and lower back. Wondering if God was going to give me a vision or be silent. At 9:50am, mass had began and I was enjoying the choir and closed my eyes and started to pray for healing . Not complete healing, but just to allow me to get through mass and lower my pain level a little, not much to ask. Instead of my pain getting better, it got way worse. I felt that asking for relief of pain, was the wrong thing to ask for.

I sat back in my wheelchair and just enjoyed my time, and deal with the pain. I  was enveloped by dark black cloud. everything was dark, I couldn't even see my partner any longer. This was scary and I was terrified of what was going on. I squeezed my eyes shut, saying a little prayer in the silence of my heart. Nothing changed, why I wasn't sure. Wanting to move, but I was no longer in my wheelchair. I was sitting in a chair, a nice comfy chair. In front of the chair was a desk and in front of the desk, was a massive line of children and their parents, this is what I assumed.  I was signing books, On the desk was a picture of a girl holding a bible, with the title Renewal of faith on the picture. I knew then I was being shown my future. Why I wasn't completely sure?

All I knew, God and his Angels were showing me my future. I then was sitting in my wheelchair and Eucharist was starting. After I took of the Eucharist, and closed my eyes and prayed. Thanking God and his Angels for showing me what I believe to be my future. I now know that my writing is a gift from God and I'll be bringing his children to him, via my writing.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

John 1:14 The Word - Jesus

John 1:14 The Word became a human being and, full of grace and truth, lived among us. We saw his glory, the glory which he received as the Father's only Son.

Read the verse, what does it tell you? Does it explain everything? Do you know who the Word is referring to?

Jesus is the Word. God is the Word. God has no beginning or end. He created everything in existence. In my ‘Student Catholic Study Bible’, the version is Good News Translation. On the first page of John chapter one, reads on a corner, saying how we should view the scripture that can baffle me and most people studying the bible. ‘Jesus is what God wants for us.’ This is written in the words of a child.

Children are the very thing to listen to when they talk about God and Jesus and the Holy Ghost. The trinity has baffled me for eons, or years. I have never understood it. Being three separate beings, but also being three in one at the same time; this should be not understood, but believe and have faith as this is what Jesus taught us.

He taught us many different things on his time on this earth. The words of his wisdom, knowledge and rules for life are in the Holy Bible. Read, prayer, ponder. These are the things we should do daily, without question. Lately I have been lacking in this. Usually I read and study the bible daily, but for the last two weeks, I’ve done nothing to keep Jesus and God in my heart, mind or soul.

This morning after my counseling session with my therapist, I realized one thing. I need God. Without God in our daily lives, we will be lost, alone and lacking faith and wisdom to get through our lives little problems and trials. Trust in God, read the scripture; reading the Holy Bible, God manual for us. Yes I know it sounds a bit far fetched, but the Bible is God manual for us. It tells about how God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost wants us to live and return one day to reside with them in heaven. Without God guiding us, we will loss the way, get tempted and lack the wisdom, guidance we get from our connection with God.

Having God guiding our every little step we take through life and what goes on in our life every single minute and second. Remember he knew us before we were formed in our mother’s womb. I ask you to read five verses each day, then pray about what you’ve read. Ponder the words, let the words and God’s spirit, the Holy Ghost enter into your being and it will guide you, leading you from any dark place, to enlightenment and survival.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Root of al Evil - below video

I've been watching quite a lot of videos on youtube, the one below is the first in the set. If you doubt the fact or myth about the truth behind the bible. Let me tell you to read previous posts. I'm a firm believer of God, Christ and the gift of the Holy Ghost. I'm a dedicated and devoted catholic. I watched these videos with an open mind, and sense of what people believe as science and belief. 

For me, I believe in the Holy Bible. I believe it was man work writing it, but every man was, inspired by Go and the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost enters our body, mind and soul. It guides us through trying times, and easy times in our lives. If you believe, then you know God created all things. But if your a doubter and scientist, then take a moment and ponder the things created in this world. The human body, The galaxy, The many different talents each of us has. He gave you your gifts for medicine, science, history, teaching and mine, for writing. 

Remember he created all things, read and pray about the scriptures. Let God and his Holy Ghost enter your every being and let you know he is there, you were created in his image alone.

Root of All Evil - Episode 1 (1/5)

Living Hope - 1 Peter 1:3

1 Peter 1:3 - Let us give thanks to the God oand father of our Lord Jesus Christ! Because of his great mercy he gave us a new life by raising Jesus Christ from death. This fills us with a living hope,

The scripture above is a powerful one. To me this gives me hope when I'm in the darkest of my depression or just feeling like there is no way out, I read this and know God the Father, God the son, God the Holy Ghost is with me, holding me up as I try to walk down the right path. I feel guided, loved, and cared for by God. He touches our hearts, soul and body. Letting us all know he is there, we just have to ask for him to come into our lives and lead us.

I got this scripture out of a book I've started reading today, it's called: Walking With The God Who CARES! and yes hge does care for us, he knows us even before we were conceived. He can count the hairs on our head, the many different atoms that takes tpo create us, each one is numbered by GOD. 

Believe, Trust and in God we have a new living HOPE!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Self Injury Behavior

Cutting and Self-Injury
The number of young people who participate in acts of self-mutilation is growing. Although self-harm is rarely a suicidal act, it must be taken seriously because accidental deaths do occur. It’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel but breaking the cycle of self-abuse is possible if you reach out to someone you trust. Finding new ways of coping with your feelings can help to tone down the intense urges you feel which results in you hurting yourself. Recovery is a continuous process and learning how to stop this addictive behavior is within your reach if you work at it.

Who Engages in Self--Injury?
The numbers are staggering…about two million people in the U.S. are self-injurers and approximately 1% of the population has inflicted physical injury upon themselves at some time in their life as a way to cope with an overwhelming situation or feeling. Those numbers are most likely an underestimation because the majority of acts of self-injury go unreported. In other parts of the world the numbers are considerably higher. Self-injury does not discriminate against race, culture, or socio-economic strata, but there is conflicting data regarding demographics. Some reference sites indicate that the majority of people who engage in this type of addictive behavior are predominately female teenagers and young adults, while other sites indicate that both genders, ranging in age from 14 to 60 self-injure. However, there is consistent agreement that self-harm has more to do with having poor coping mechanisms than anything else.

Types of Self -Injury
Self-injury, self-inflicted violence, self-injurious behavior or self-mutilation is defined as a deliberate, intentional injury to one’s own body that causes tissue damage or leaves marks for more than a few minutes which is done to cope with an overwhelming or distressing situation.

The most common self-injurious behaviors are:
Cutting - involves making cuts or scratches on your body with any sharp object, including knives, needles, razor blades or even fingernails. The arms, legs and front of the torso are most commonly cut because they are easily reached and easily hidden under clothing
Branding – burning self with a hot object, Friction burn – rubbing a pencil eraser on your skin
Picking at skin or re-opening wounds (dermatillomania) - is an impulse control disorder characterized by the repeated urge to pick at one's own skin, often to the extent that damage is caused which relieves stress or is gratifying
Hair-pulling (trichotillomania) – is an impulse control disorder which at times seems to resemble a habit, an addiction, or an obsessive-compulsive disorder. The person has an irresistible urge to pull out hair from any part of their body. Hair pulling from the scalp often leaves patchy bald spots on their head which they hide by wearing hats, scarves and wigs. Abnormal levels of serotonin or dopamine may play a role in this disorder. The combined treatment of using an anti-depressant such as Anafranil and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been effective in treating this disorder. CBT teaches you to become more aware of when you’re pulling, helps you identify your pulling habits, and teaches you about what emotions and triggers are involved in hair pulling. When you gain awareness of pulling, you can learn to substitute healthier behaviors instead.
Hitting (with hammer or other object), Bone breaking, Punching, Head-banging (more often seen with autism or severe mental retardation)
Multiple piercing or tattooing - may also be a type of self-injury, especially if pain or stress relief is a factor
Drinking harmful chemicals

Reasons for self-injury
Why do they do it?
Even though it is possible that a self-inflicted injury may result in death, self-injury is usually not suicidal behavior. The person who self-injures may not recognize the connection, but this act usually occurs after an overwhelming or distressing experience and is a result of not having learned how to identify or express difficult feelings in a healthy way. Sometimes the person who deliberately harms themselves thinks that if they feel the pain on the outside instead of feeling it on the inside, the injuries will be seen, which then perhaps gives them a fighting chance to heal. They may also believe that the wounds, which are now physical evidence, proves their emotional pain is real. Although the physical pain they experience may be the catalyst that releases the emotional pain, the relief they feel is temporary. These coping mechanisms in essence are faulty because the pain eventually returns without any permanent healing taking place.

It is difficult to understand the motivations behind self-injurious behavior, but a clearer picture develops when you hear the common explanations self-injurers give for doing it:
“It expresses emotional pain or feelings that I’m unable to put into words. It puts a punctuation mark on what I’m feeling on the inside!”
“It’s a way to have control over my body because I can’t control anything else in my life”
“I usually feel like I have a black hole in the pit of my stomach, at least if I feel pain it’s better than feeling nothing”
I feel relieved and less anxious after I cut. The emotional pain slowly slips away into the physical pain”
Self-injury can regulate strong emotions. It can put a person who is at a high level of physiological arousal back to a baseline state.

Deliberate self-harm can distract from emotional pain and stop feelings of numbness.
Self-inflicted violence is a way to express things that cannot be put into words such as displaying anger, shocking others or seeking support and help.

Self-injurious behavior can exert a sense of control over your body if you feel powerless in other areas of your life.  Sometimes magical thinking is involved and you may imagine that hurting yourself will prevent something worse from happening. Also, when you hurt yourself it influences the behavior of others and can manipulate people into feeling guilty, make them care, or make them go away.

Self punishment or self-hate may be involved. Some people who self-injure have a childhood history of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. They may erroneously blame themselves for having been abused, they may feel that they deserved it and are now punishing themselves because of self-hatred and low self-esteem.

Self-abuse can also be a self-soothing behavior for someone who does not have other means to calm intense emotions. Self-injury followed by tending to one’s own wounds is a way to express self-care and be self-nurturing for someone who never learned how to do that in a more direct way.

People who self-injure have some common traits:
Expressions of anger were discouraged while growing up
They have co-existing problems with obsessive-compulsive disorder, substance abuse or eating disorders
They lack the necessary skills to express strong emotions in a healthy way
Often times there is a limited social support network
Cutting and Self-InjuryThe number of young people who participate in acts of self-mutilation is growing.

Although self-harm is rarely a suicidal act, it must be taken seriously because accidental deaths do occur. It’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel but breaking the cycle of self-abuse is possible if you reach out to someone you trust. Finding new ways of coping with your feelings can help to tone down the intense urges you feel which results in you hurting yourself. Recovery is a continuous process and learning how to stop this addictive behavior is within your reach if you work at it.

Who Engages in Self--Injury?
The numbers are staggering…about two million people in the U.S. are self-injurers and approximately 1% of the population has inflicted physical injury upon themselves at some time in their life as a way to cope with an overwhelming situation or feeling. Those numbers are most likely an underestimation because the majority of acts of self-injury go unreported. In other parts of the world the numbers are considerably higher. Self-injury does not discriminate against race, culture, or socio-economic strata, but there is conflicting data regarding demographics. Some reference sites indicate that the majority of people who engage in this type of addictive behavior are predominately female teenagers and young adults, while other sites indicate that both genders, ranging in age from 14 to 60 self-injure. However, there is consistent agreement that self-harm has more to do with having poor coping mechanisms than anything else.

Types of Self -InjurySelf-injury, self-inflicted violence, self-injurious behavior or self-mutilation is defined as a deliberate, intentional injury to one’s own body that causes tissue damage or leaves marks for more than a few minutes which is done to cope with an overwhelming or distressing situation.

The most common self-injurious behaviors are:
Cutting - involves making cuts or scratches on your body with any sharp object, including knives, needles, razor blades or even fingernails. The arms, legs and front of the torso are most commonly cut because they are easily reached and easily hidden under clothing

Branding – burning self with a hot object, Friction burn – rubbing a pencil eraser on your skin

Picking at skin or re-opening wounds (dermatillomania) - is an impulse control disorder characterized by the repeated urge to pick at one's own skin, often to the extent that damage is caused which relieves stress or is gratifying

Hair-pulling (trichotillomania) – is an impulse control disorder which at times seems to resemble a habit, an addiction, or an obsessive-compulsive disorder. The person has an irresistible urge to pull out hair from any part of their body. Hair pulling from the scalp often leaves patchy bald spots on their head which they hide by wearing hats, scarves and wigs. Abnormal levels of serotonin or dopamine may play a role in this disorder. The combined treatment of using an anti-depressant such as Anafranil and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been effective in treating this disorder. CBT teaches you to become more aware of when you’re pulling, helps you identify your pulling habits, and teaches you about what emotions and triggers are involved in hair pulling. When you gain awareness of pulling, you can learn to substitute healthier behaviors instead.

Hitting (with hammer or other object), Bone breaking, Punching, Head-banging (more often seen with autism or severe mental retardation)

Multiple piercing or tattooing - may also be a type of self-injury, especially if pain or stress relief is a factor

Drinking harmful chemicals

Reasons for self-injuryWhy do they do it?Even though it is possible that a self-inflicted injury may result in death, self-injury is usually not suicidal behavior. The person who self-injures may not recognize the connection, but this act usually occurs after an overwhelming or distressing experience and is a result of not having learned how to identify or express difficult feelings in a healthy way. Sometimes the person who deliberately harms themselves thinks that if they feel the pain on the outside instead of feeling it on the inside, the injuries will be seen, which then perhaps gives them a fighting chance to heal. They may also believe that the wounds, which are now physical evidence, proves their emotional pain is real. Although the physical pain they experience may be the catalyst that releases the emotional pain, the relief they feel is temporary. These coping mechanisms in essence are faulty because the pain eventually returns without any permanent healing taking place.

It is difficult to understand the motivations behind self-injurious behavior, but a clearer picture develops when you hear the common explanations self-injurers give for doing it:

“It expresses emotional pain or feelings that I’m unable to put into words. It puts a punctuation mark on what I’m feeling on the inside!”“It’s a way to have control over my body because I can’t control anything else in my life”“I usually feel like I have a black hole in the pit of my stomach, at least if I feel pain it’s better than feeling nothing”I feel relieved and less anxious after I cut. The emotional pain slowly slips away into the physical pain”Self-injury can regulate strong emotions. It can put a person who is at a high level of physiological arousal back to a baseline state.

Deliberate self-harm can distract from emotional pain and stop feelings of numbness.

Self-inflicted violence is a way to express things that cannot be put into words such as displaying anger, shocking others or seeking support and help.

Self-injurious behavior can exert a sense of control over your body if you feel powerless in other areas of your life.  Sometimes magical thinking is involved and you may imagine that hurting yourself will prevent something worse from happening. Also, when you hurt yourself it influences the behavior of others and can manipulate people into feelingguilty, make them care, or make them go away.

Self punishment or self-hate may be involved. Some people who self-injure have a childhood history of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. They may erroneously blame themselves for having been abused, they may feel that they deserved it and are now punishing themselves because of self-hatred and low self-esteem.

Self-abuse can also be a self-soothing behavior for someone who does not have other means to calm intense emotions. Self-injury followed by tending to one’s own wounds is a way to express self-care and be self-nurturing for someone who never learned how to do that in a more direct way.

People who self-injure have some common traits:Expressions of anger were discouraged while growing upThey have co-existing problems with obsessive-compulsive disorder, substance abuse or eating disordersThey lack the necessary skills to express strong emotions in a healthy way Often times there is a limited social support network