Revelation of God

I haven't been going to church for a matter of weeks. I found myself losing faith in God. I stopped going and my life went down the drain so to speak. It was like everyone was against me. It was like nobody wanted me around them. I found the girls from my C.R.H.P. team at St Mark's Catholic Church. I got the feeling that I wasn't welcome there for a matter of weeks. It felt like they knew I wasn't ready or studying the bible or the catechism of the catholic church. It was like God wasn't watching me like I hoped he was

I got the feeling he wasn't with me. The Holy Spirit wasn't with me I thought for such a long time. I finally went to church and the next few days I found that medicaid and my doctors office had finalized my new wheelchair. It came today. I felt that maybe going back to church made God present in my life once again. I read a few passages from my bible. It was like I felt totally different. I felt God's Holy Spirit was in me once again.

With the wheelchair being a great one. I said a short prayer of thanks to God and his angels. After this prayer I got a vision.

Vision: I fell to the floor, on my knees, which caused me immense pain. I saw two angels before me. I was whisked away into a place where I was taken. It was brilliant white light. Like I was in the presence of God's angels. I saw my Nana Lily. She was smiling like a Cheshire cat. She said "Trust God and his Holy Spirit. They will never leave you. They will always be with you child. Trust in God and his angels. They will guide you in all ways. God Loves you unconditional. Never forget that." She soon was gone and I was back on the carpet in my living room. 

I knew to trust God and never forget God is there for me and whoever believes in him. God is a loving parent to us, his children. I knew and still believe God is in my life because I want him. He is also watching what I do in life.

Sunday 24th June - Vision of Hope

I didn't want to go to church this morning. I had a terrible back pain and knee pain. Just wanted to stay home and wait till 3pm came around. Theresa and I was going to go writing. My partner told me to go to church or no writing with Theresa. Writing is my life. I went to church regretting it while we were on the road to church. Once at church I knew I was meant to be there. not for myself, but for a special lady I have always considered my friend, a good friend. 

Patty is someone I hold dear to my heart. She was one of the people who I would ask question after question during my R.C.I.A. times. I think I was the one who caused so much headaches to those who ran the R.C.I.A. program, including the late Mary-Lynn. She was my mentor, my best friend and someone I could rely on along with my partner and their family.  I still miss Mary-Lynn, but I still got her in my heart forever, just like Patty. 

Patty looked so sad, so much pain in her eyes. She didn't have the sparkle in her eyes or smile this morning. When she reached over to try holding my hand during the Lord's Prayer. I just felt compelled to reach out to hold onto her. I felt God working through my body to enter her's. He will heal her I just know it. He will let the doctors help her pain. She still might get some pain, but she will get some relief too. He told me so. 

After taking of the Eucharist and Blood. I closed my eyes and prayed for Patty, Amy and my C.R.H.P. Sisters, Small Church friends. While in prayer, I felt my body being whisked away. I was no longer in my chair. I was sitting down on a chair, my books before me on a dark wooden table. People where lining up for me to sign my book. My first book. Beyond the line was my Nana Lily, my M.I.L. (Barbie), My brothers Ian and Michael. Mary-Lynn and my best pal Taryn McFlynn. Taryn died from breast cancer after I was told my tumor was gone and I was healed. 

All were watching me sign my books for people. They smiled with a sparkle and a glimmer of light in there smile and eyes. I wish for that to be back in Patty. She is such a giver of her time, her friendship and her wisdom, her love. I think the world of her. Anyhow, I was put back into my chair. for the brief moment I was without pain. Not a single bit of pain ran through my entire body. Once I opened my eyes the pain came rushing back into my body. I knew this vision was from God. Nobody else could take away so much pain I felt before Mass.

Vocation and Spiritual Gifts

Over the last week I have been having vision about what my vocation and my gift of writing. It all started with Sunday service at mass. First I was in intense pain, and I was finding it hard concentrating on the homily. Suddenly i was whisked away into a cloud and I was no longer in church. I was on a cloud and an angel was telling about my gift from God. I thought I was hearing and seeing things.

The Angel called me by my birth name, not many here knew my birth name other than my partner and a few friends. I shook my head in disbelief and thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me.

After I wasn't believing this was an angel. They took me to my birth. It was hard to realize that this was in fact an angel of God.  I saw my birth, I saw my dad, my grandmother sitting by my mom. My grandmother was holding me in her arms and cuddling tight. I knew myself this was just something to confuse me.

I saw me sitting in a bookstore and signing books that were being bought my some young adults and some adults even. They were buying my book, my first book. I found this weird and didn't want to believe this was me.

On Monday night, we went to church at seven at night for the parish mission thing. I heard the angel's voice yet again. This time it was telling me to  re-write my Having a Little Faith story. I was finding it hard to write. It made me remember the last time I saw my paternal grandmother I was when I was sixteen. But telling the story I want to tell I'm not sure it will work out at age sixteen. I prefer to write stories with the main character is from 9-14 years old.

I continued to have another vision on Sunday night, Monday night, and Tuesday night. I also had confession on Tuesday night. I was ill on Wednesday night, so couldn't go. I was given a vision to write the same story I'd heard the angel telling me to write. I believe this was something I could do if I put my mind to it. I prayed today and I have started to re-write this story I believe God wants me to write. Here goes nothing.

Sunday Mass: 24th October

This morning I woke up, in such great anguish and pain. I wanted to lay there and not move, as every movement I made sent great painful pain spikes throughout my whole body. I knew we had church, but I felt I wasn't going to go and stay home and rest. I've had three restless nights. I sleep, but have constant nightmares. I can't deal with such flashback and nightmares since starting therapy with Joyce. The therapy is going alright, it's helping me understand my past and the abuse I suffered at the hands of my family.

I got my partner and husband to get me up and help me dressed. thinking about church and if I truly wanted to go. just as I was thinking about calling Suzie to say I didn't want to go, she arrived and my husband helped me get out to the car. I climbed into the front seat and buckled up. My pain spikes were intense and along with the flashback I wanted to die. knowing that I couldn't die. My new family here in Indiana would miss me and I would leave a gaping big hole in their hearts.

All during church I persevered all through the service. Every moment I got pain spikes I closed my eyes and asked God to take my pain. By the end of mass, after I partook of the Eucharist, suddenly for five minutes I was without any pain. During the minutes of being without pain, I heard a loud voice. looking around and the church but I wasn't in church, I took a second look. I was somewhere completely pure white and in a midst of glowing white and in pure health. I stood and walked towards the light. the pure whiteness of the light. I reached my hands forward like the voice told me and I walked into the arms of an angel. the person had glowing white wings, a perfect smile and in a white robe. "You will come here one day. Just not right now. You are going to be healed. Give it time. You have far to go, remember to pray and keep Christ and God on the top of your to-do-list." After this I was back in my wheelchair and church was singing the last song of the service.

Visions and Dreams

Where we dream during the night, we see images and hear words. Are these dreams also visions from God?

During the day, we ca see visions. To me a vision is a images followed by words. Are visions truly from God?

I've been searching through the entire world-wide-web, but the only things I've found is that mostly men get visions and dreams from God. This got me thinking and wondering about so much. I've been asking myself if God only gives dreams and visions to men, why has he chosen me?

Now I've come to realize that if God created me, then he is also allowing his angels and the Holy Ghost, to talk to me. This means, I do get visions and I do get him talking to me. If anyone won't listen to his words, he is so much mightier than any of us humans. He created us, and he does want us to dwell with him once again in time.  To be created, and have breath inserted into us.

Think of it for a minute. How does it feel to know you were created in his image. To me this means the world. He can know each of our strands of hair on our head, he knows the makeup of our dna, our atoms that were created and make up our body this day. This is amazing, to know someone created us, gave us breath, and a soul. Freedom of choice, free will.  

Now he is talking to us through our dreams and visions. I believe God is showing us the way back to him, let him guide you. Let him love you. Love him back, follow him always...

Visions and God's Plan

Today at church, well first I didn’t want to go. My back wand left knee was in excruciating agony. After a five minute prayer, I felt God’s presence within my body. I usually don’t pray to the Holy Ghost, but this morning I felt the urge. Once at church, the pain was getting heaps worse. I felt that I want going to kill myself if the pain didn’t get better. The pain issues I face are hard, but I know God is with me, but something that’s doesn’t help when the psychical pain is horendance. This was one morning I wished I had a magical cure for my pain issues that riddle my entire body.

Once in the chapel, I sat there in my chair, thinking about God and when I’d be free of pain. I remember at the beginning of Easter/Lent, I had my first vision. Which told me my pain was going to get worse before it got better. It’s now June, almost July. I wonder if he’s forgotten all about me. But I know he hasn’t forgotten me, he just wants me to be patient and listen to his word and advice he gives us in the Bible. Everyday I read my bible, but at time during the day, when I lack faith or hope, I turn to prayer and scripture.

This morning in church, I was given yet another vision. This was one of me being with my entire family. All my children and my grandparents up in heaven. I was sitting in the midst of them giggling and being ever so happy. Then I saw myself and my partner living in a three bedroom apartment, fostering children. Giving them someone who they can trust and know that they’re loved. Being in a vision my partner and I in a house riddled with children. This is my dream, I believe God is showing me what is to come. I just need to be patient and let things happen on God’s time, not mine…

Sunday Morning Mass

This morning at church, I had to use my wheelchair, but I didn't mind so much. My partner was very careful not to bump or jolt my back or knees as he pushed me up the ramp into the church. St Mark Catholic Church is a friendly and evangelical church. I have many friends there, even though I might not know everyone by name, but they sure know me. I not sure if I'm the only Brit, at church or not, but I'm well known for many different things I think.  There is one thing I'm sure of, there are non-American citizens at church. My dear friend Chela wasn't an American citizen for a while. She became one about 18months to 3 years ago.

Anyhow, lets get back to the matter at hand, when happened to me during church, mass. Once in the chapel, I sat there hoping for the immense pain I was having in my knee and lower back. Wondering if God was going to give me a vision or be silent. At 9:50am, mass had began and I was enjoying the choir and closed my eyes and started to pray for healing . Not complete healing, but just to allow me to get through mass and lower my pain level a little, not much to ask. Instead of my pain getting better, it got way worse. I felt that asking for relief of pain, was the wrong thing to ask for.

I sat back in my wheelchair and just enjoyed my time, and deal with the pain. I  was enveloped by dark black cloud. everything was dark, I couldn't even see my partner any longer. This was scary and I was terrified of what was going on. I squeezed my eyes shut, saying a little prayer in the silence of my heart. Nothing changed, why I wasn't sure. Wanting to move, but I was no longer in my wheelchair. I was sitting in a chair, a nice comfy chair. In front of the chair was a desk and in front of the desk, was a massive line of children and their parents, this is what I assumed.  I was signing books, On the desk was a picture of a girl holding a bible, with the title Renewal of faith on the picture. I knew then I was being shown my future. Why I wasn't completely sure?

All I knew, God and his Angels were showing me my future. I then was sitting in my wheelchair and Eucharist was starting. After I took of the Eucharist, and closed my eyes and prayed. Thanking God and his Angels for showing me what I believe to be my future. I now know that my writing is a gift from God and I'll be bringing his children to him, via my writing.